I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
