it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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