You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
