He uses pillows to masturbate.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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