I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
