drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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