Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
pray to the hookup gods
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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