Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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