At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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