If i come over, it means nothing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was before I lit my hair on fire
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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