george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So many bounce houses so little time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize