So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
