I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
