I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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