your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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foreskin is a definite game changer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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