I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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