i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
