she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
