so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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