They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
