i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
