I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
