Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
