you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
