Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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