I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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