I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
