see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
