By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
