One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
