U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
