i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
