we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
