I CAN MOONWALK!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
and you fell through a lawn chair
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
