Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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