the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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