im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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