Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
