she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
