they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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