You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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