What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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