I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
