you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
