i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are a genius and a whore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
