whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
