I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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