I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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