i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize