Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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