So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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