Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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