but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
