There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
