I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize