we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
