I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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