I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
