sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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