I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
