..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
