Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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