I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
