it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
