sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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