I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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