ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
