My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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