"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
