her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
