Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
