I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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