when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
