Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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