If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
