Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
