the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
