So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had to cum in my sink.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
