I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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