I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
