we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
