Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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